This Floating Poo Was Far Too Symbolic! It's the TV Letdowns of the Past Year.

As we consider the television landscape of the past year, a handful of shows emerge not for their excellence, but for their spectacular shortcomings. From awkward sequels to confusingly poor docuseries, here are the programmes that left us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

Where to begin with this divisive follow-up? Plagued with woeful writing, painful arcs (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to find its footing. For a moment, as the third series began, it seemed as if it had finally hit its stride. Then arrived an episode all about Seema’s natural deodorant. Little surprise the creator declared this would be the final season. It ended on a bum note; the lingering shot of Miranda’s toilet flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, fans certainly had a hoot dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – once again single – danced around her sprawling townhouse to Barry White, who couldn't let out a small sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Can Kim Kardashian act? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the smallest of this show's problems. The subject of a very rare zero star assessment, it was difficult to know where to begin listing the problems. The hilariously leaden dialogue? The tedious veneration of wealth and consumption? The seemingly deliberate parade of cliches? Performances so poor they felt borderline malicious? Let’s just say “all of the above” and forget about this show again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re likely going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Given the legal troubles, abuse allegations and fatherly shortcomings, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a troubled figure. Not that you’d truly have gleaned it from this multi-part documentary which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of reckless hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we weren't already aware of. Instead, it felt as if this loose cannon was being indulged, so any pity this show might induce should be saved for the people who have had to suffer proximity with this charming but dismissive egotist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we knew it was preposterous from the outset: a drama about a supercomputer known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of pure admiration for its stars … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ultimately slicing Charlie with an axe … in super slow-motion. Talk about admitting defeat.

The Gangster Drama

Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? A certain band's Firestarter blaring in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

Actually, that is unfair on the gangland dramas of the late 90s. Many look a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t suffer the ignominy of having to indulge baffling accents. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just really boring; a conflict over drug-selling territory between various cockney rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Given the degree to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s ostentatiously enraged commentators, it’s almost tempting to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into twee lifestyle as intentional statements. But then you view them and are compelled to concede that in this case, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine animated; a meme for wine o’clock with ideas of grandeur; a procession of sleeping dogs, buzzing beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “tips” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by immense, largely unearned wealth. Ugh.

Victoria Beckham

There are obviously interesting things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her journey with vocation, identity, self-acceptance. But for whatever reason, this three-part series chose not to say them. Rather, the viewing was akin to consuming a marketing catalogue. She clearly has every right to bridle at what she describes as her “miserable cow” image. But sadly, she didn’t do herself any favours with this cagey letdown of a series.

The Game Show

It had the potential to be the next big hit – except even more extravagant, with a glamorous star playing dead and a well-known personality managing her estate. What more could you ask for? As players battled it out, there was plenty of betrayal and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too confusing to detail what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw brief appearances of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up smelling of a programme that was straining desperately to live up to something way beyond it.

Too Much

How does one succeed a show that captured a generation? The pressure was enormous for this glitzy romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a broken heart. The star took her biggest role by the horns and was a delight to watch, embodying Jane Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was insufficient. Plus, the sheer amount of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

The Sketch Show Return

Not even good enough to be ‘patchy’.

Given the smart inclusion of talented emerging comics, hopes were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A particular sketch was a one-note joke milked to a dry pulp but repeated in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have stayed in there a bit longer.

The Twisted Tale of Amanda Knox

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was overseen by Amanda Knox and pretty much exclusively showcased the perspective of Amanda Knox. So, while there probably is an interesting drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this was not it. The material needed to be treated with care. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from strangely jaunty, slightly mannered farce to inevitably, real-life horror. Twisted? Arguably. A total mess? Absolutely.

The Maths Genius Thriller

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the greatest maths genius in history, a man so intelligent he’s on the verge of a breakthrough that could ruin society? No! This globe-trotting thriller about government agencies targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Formulaic nonsense.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator renowned for explicit escapades as she prepared for her biggest challenge yet. What on earth would motivate her? What we craved was way more interrogation of her actual psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son out of the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. And to think, the documentary-maker has a teenage daughter too.

Shaun Castro
Shaun Castro

Beekeeping enthusiast with over a decade of experience in sustainable hive management and honey production.